Funnin' It with Fatsoe

Dear Dr. Bones,

After composing what follows, Paddy and Eye decided that most of it would only perplex the Fehrnstrom Fishwrap Fan Club, and so did not pass along to the kiddiecons everything after "the Smirk of Janesville" and before our little ditty for His Immense:

What kind of nogoodnik grouch wants to poop the Rio Limbaugh doo-doo by dragging in a dead cat like "a national and an international regulatory scheme" just as the merry revelers at America's Otherparty are gettin into full swing? There will be time for all that eye-glaze, and much more, once Mittius Coriolanus Pompo -- "Demander of Apologies, ..., Stepmaster to Rafalca, ..., Possessor of the Golden Birth Certificate, " &c. &c. -- has actually taken US over. Not unassisted ably, as Paddy McTammany ventures to anticipate, by the Smirk of Janesville. 'Tis not as if American Decline will suddenly rush off to a forgotten appointment in Samarra, you know. PLENTY of time, we shall have, whole decades and degenerations, centuries maybe, in which to moan and grovel on the economic dungheap, weaving straw into the Homeland ic hair. Only to find there is no market even for so characteristic a modern yankeefacture as the hairstraw shirt. For nowadays, even hairstraw can be produced much cheaper in Cathay and in Ormuzd and in Ind. "After me, the deluge," predicted little Louie, son of Big Louie. Deluge Isaac, however, has chosen to visit concurrently with His GardenStatist Excellency's stemwinder, whatever that coincidence may signify. Probably it does not signify "the second time as farce," exactly, though if there be any vulgar Marxists left, betcha they will indeed have the poor taste to dust off that wheeze from 1799/1852 and see if they can get if off the runway this time around. "Hey there, Charlie Brown, kicked any good footballs lately?" 'Mittens' Romney, an The Smirk, even Citizen Chris (blood pressure and sudden cerebral events once firmly put out of mind) do have their light side as well as their whight side, no doubt about it, but nothing that amounts to 'farcical'. Or even comes close. So, then, come along, sir, the only decent thing to do this unlovely morning is sing along with the selfservative kiddies, an their Kiddiemasters, an their Kiddiemasters' Firstlords--with the Fearless Funders of Freedumb on high, an, down to earth, with all the Jay School fruits an frathouse babes over to _The Fehrnstrom Fishwrap_--in honor of The Otherparty's much-to-be-esteemed Keynoter: For he's a jowly good fellow!, For he's a Jowly good fellow!!, For he's a JOWLY good fellow!!!, As nobooby can deny. Happy days.-- P. A. McT. P.S. To deliberately overshoot Louisedayhicksville a bit, if one may: the late Mr. Auden spoke of Rainer Maria Rilke as "he Santa Claus of loneliness. (Hmmm. Should not that have been "the Father Exmas of loneliness"? Must be late Auden, then, generally reragrded as inferior.) Be that as it may, Party Neocomrade (second grade) C. J. Christie, Jr., Esq., Satrap of Neojersey, might usefully be engaged by some eagle-foresighted Corporate Citizeness to portray, in his political retirement, The Santa Claus of American Decline.(Pat. Pend.) on festive occasions. And why not on analytical occasions as well?  His Excellency has only the semi-education of a cut-rate shyster, to be sure, but ..............

St. Bridget of the Lace Curtain, who mostly does business as "Marjorie Eagan," just remarked on WKKK-FM 96.9, Boston an Rio Limbaugh, that her principal thought whilst watchin' His Obesity perform was to worry that H. O. might drop dead on the spot.

Comrade Braude, being sensible as well as male, pooh-poohed this admirably pious an charitable baloney. Poetic justice is rarely that poetic. Were somebody to tell us that such a thing had actually occured, we should at once assume her to be a huckstress out to huck The Memoirs of Rabbi Ben Trovato.

Speaking of "such a thing," the received account of the Death of Arius, in Mr. Gibbon and others, has always seemed a little suspicious for this reason to Paddy and Eye. Let us know if you disagree.

Happy days.
--JHM