09 March 2012

_Quod licet Jovi, non licet bovi_ (Part CCXIV)


Dear Dr. Bones,

McCeptionalism, so lightly undertaken, could easily grow to occupy thirty-nine hours a day. ¡So much backwoods self-wunnerfulness, so little time! ¡So many different parcels of rogues in one's own tiny little tea cup of a Province!

It would seem, antecedently, to be impossible to outdo WhightGuard Headquarters in the Selfwunnerfulness Sweepstakes--you'd never guess from the _plus-quam_-freelordly way that crew bark an’ bellow that they are but ’LevenPercenters [0].

The Little Blue Siblings of St. Elizabeth (of H*rv*rdy [1) are not daunted, however. When it comes to selfwunnerfulness, the maxim "It takes two to tango" can fail badly: collective-self-flattery artists are not required to all be tango-ing. Even if the judges of the feast liberally accept Dan Quayle™ brand tangoes an’ fantangoes, not all of these performers can be reckoned as dancing to the same drummer.

Danny Boy havin’ somehow splashed down into the stream of our discourse --kindly do NOT throw him a life preserver, sir: Massa Daniel is a ragged individualist who would take public assistance ill--allow me to say that I find the latest ploy from Her Effulgence more than a little Quaylesque. Or call it _vix dignum fundamenti intellectualis_:

Help Scott Brown Fulfill the People's Pledge

Elizabeth and Scott Brown made an agreement – called the People’s Pledge – to keep special interest groups’ ads out of our campaigns.

Scott Brown’s supporters just violated that pledge for the first time, and the Brown campaign has agreed to donate 50% of the value of the advertising spend to a charity of our choice, as outlined in the pledge.

Since this pledge is the People’s Pledge, we’d like your help picking the charity Scott Brown donates to. Please submit your charity suggestion using this form.

What type of charity should Scott Brown donate to?

Animal Rights & Shelters
Arts & Culture
Children/Family Services
Economic Justice
Education
Elderly Care
Environment
Food Banks & Pantries
Health
Homeless Services
Human Rights
Immigrant Rights
LGBT Rights
Women’s Rights
Other


The first thing to say, or rather, the zeroth, is that nobooby is going to find out about her benefaction opportunities from the ’LevenPercenters. Wing-Admiral Eno, aka "BoZo Skipper," is far too busy lecturin’ his crew on imaginary numbera, which lofty mathematical preoccupation may *sound* like it came whight out of The Huntin[’] of the Snark [2], but is there for all comers to click on if they like nevertheless.

Also clickable on is, _¡quelle surprise!_, is an Admiralty ukase headlined Why Won't Elizabeth Warren Hold Up Her End of the People's Pledge?

To this question the good wing-admiral returns no actual answer that I can detect, though perhaps we may guess that his freelordship supposes that Her Effulgence will just naturally cut every corner not actually containin' a barbed-wire entanglement. One of the BoZo deckhands refers us to Party Neocomrade (fifth grade) J. D. Jacoby [3] over to the Globe of Gotham City, who saw it all comin’:

Of course there is not the slightest chance the deal will actually keep independent ads off the airwaves or the internet between now and November's election. Yet Brown and Warren claim to be sincere in their determination to keep third parties from trying to influence this year's campaign. If so, shame on them.

Prescinding, for now, from his junior-freelordship's interestin' moral discovery (or, as the case may be, invention) that sincerity is especially reprehensible, I notice that HFL was graciously pleased to frame his prophecy in "a plague on both your houses" terms.

A little further on, Massa Jeff threw in the mask altogether, to reveal that its freelordship is yet another body-snatchin’ invader from Planet Dilbert:

... what they mean by "interference" is political free speech. Brown and Warren have a simple message for anyone with something to say about the Massachusetts Senate race: Shut up.

BoZo Skipper's deckhand seems not to pay much attention to what he reads. Oh, well. That must explain why his freelordship is a Skipper an' he is only a common wingnut.

Happy days.

___
[0] The Gotham City _Globe_ has a major scribble this morning called Bay State GOP chief taking some heat which mentions all sorts of curious numbers ("$20,000 to the state party, $5,000 to Brown, and $2,500 to Romney in recent months") but not a word about how many provincials are currently registed as Republicanines. Coming from an out-of-commonwealth Corporate Citizenness, that seems a little odd. I mean, ¿Surely there are not manyvolks on Manhattan Island who know such boondocks trivia without being reminded?

___
[1] Or, sometimes, "of Warrenbuffet."

Her Effulgence is not to be confused with the mother of Jack the Dipper, who was--or more likely was not--somebody else entirely, a long time ago and in enirely another country.

___
[2] The medial ‘D’ required by Pravadastyle is speculative; as often, Paddy cannot determine whether this neospecimen actually has a middLe-class name. However, instead of ‘X’ there will be ‘D’ for all Party neocomrades who johnhancock themselves ‘Jeff’. Until something different is established beyond all reasonable doubt, worst-case analysis and I will assume "Jefferson Davis Katz," an’ "Jefferson Davis Jacoby," an’ so on all down the long redstate line.

___
[3] "This the Banker suggested, and offered for hire / (On moderate terms), or for sale, / Two excellent Policies, one Against Fire, / And one Against Damage From Hail."

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