"when Mitt Romney dumps Eric Fehrnstrom"

Dear Dr. Bones,

Nothing to worry about ... for now By Peter Gelzinis | Saturday, July 7, 2012 | http://www.bostonherald.com | Columnists According to the numbers, I guess I’m supposed to be worried. As long as the unemployment figure hovers above [eight] percent, as long as a measly 80,000 or so Americans joined the workforce last month, the numbers say it looks bad for my guy ... my president and yours, Barack Obama. (( ... )) I’ll start worrying when Mitt Romney dumps Eric Fehrnstrom.

The parting sentiment would be nothing remarkable coming from somebooby who never had anything to do with Dr. Etch-A-Tax. Appearing in the very e-columns of the Fehrnstrom Herald, however, it’s breathtaking.

Though evidently in general a sane political adult, Mr. Gelzinis appears to have caught a bad case of self-altruism from his associates of the Tee Putty underclass.    I speak of that dotty-noble self-immolation by which a Bob Cratchitt prefers good old Ebb Scrooge’s economic interests to his own, the enhanced productivity an’ competitiveness of ScroogeBank (a Corporate Citizenness which Cratchitt is far too financially embarrassed to specuvest in personally) over patient protection and affordable medicine for his own flesh and blood.

I believe, Dr. Bones, that I shall now recycle my golden oldie about "biting the Invisible Hand," though in reality Eric Freelord Fehrnstrom is caught sight of rather too often for his Employin’ Dynasty’s good.

Moving whight along, ’tis a pity Mr. Gelznis does not drag ’Fingers’ Fehrnstrom in before the literal bottom line. His freelordship has more to do with the current state of W. M. Romney’s Gee-Had for TopPercenterdom than most scribblers, especially national ones, appreciate. Most of the hot grease in which any competent personnel manager would have Freelord Fehrnstrom boilin’ at this point comes of his freelordship payin’ way too much attention to Massachusetts. Had E. F. but taken his lead from the Master of Seamus (not to mention, of himself) an’ thought always of us humble as "¿Massa-WHERE?", why, the tax/fee/penalty fandangoe

would never have happened. The only point of it was to defend His Excellency’s conduct on Beacon Hill, which became an entirely superfluous project once the decision had been taken, I presume at Dynasty level, never to admit that the Gov. governed any place in particular, apart from maybe the pricier ski slopes of Deseret.

The previous etch-a-sketch exuberance was not obviously New-Iceland parochial and provincial, I admit, but there was a sort of far-off allegorical connection nevertheless. At any rate, Paddy and Eye like to think it was The Candidate who first mentioned the kiddie toy in question to the hired handler, several days before the fuss, no doubt explainin’ how one goes about turnin’ a Massachusetts into a ¿Massa-WHERE? in three shakes or less.  His freelordship, who certainly looks like the sort to have had a toy-free, algebra-stuffed childhood, didn’t quite catch the allusion, an’ wrongly supposed the point was to crank out a brand new Neoromney every week or so, as of course his freelordship an’ the b’hoys in the Hancock Tower had been doin’ all along.

Speaking of local landmarks, I wonder whether Mr. Gelzinis feels the same slight check of puzzlement that Paddy and Eye do whenever one of those out-of-commonwealth scribblers writes ‘Boston’ and means Romney Gee-Had Headquarters, that is to say, "his freelordship of Fehrnstrom an’ the b’hoys at Bain an’ Shawmut"? The accuracy is impeccable, but somehow it is overwhelmed by the oddity of a Yank pol campaignin’ for President out of a "home-state" jurisdiction which nobooby thinks he has the slightest chance of carryin’.

’Twere too much to expect, I guess, that the Governor should ship the Fingers of Fehrnstrom down to Grand Cayman to keep the Dynastic portfolioes company, an’ incidentally vindicate full disclosure, but why not to Manhattan Island?  Or Potomac River City?

Happy days.